And now: The punchline
by HaveYouBeenAnAlumnus
Summary: A story is only as funny as its punchline... Requests wanted. More information inside.
1. Introduction

**A/N:** I've never tried my hand at a request-story, but since there currently don't seem to be any active ones in this fandom, I thought to myself 'Why not?' Here's how it works:

Basically, you give me a line that is being said by a character. I shall then write a story around it and I will try to make it funny (no promises). It helps if the line itself is already funny or has the potential of delivering a funny story.

The following should be included in your request:

\- The line itself

\- The character that says the line (optional)

\- Other characters included in the story (optional)

\- Whether it's the punchline (the last line of the story), the first laugh (the first line), or the comedic climax (somewhere in the middle of the story) (optional)

\- Other details about the story (optional)

Example:

"Oh hi HaveYouBeenAnAlumnus, I loved the previous chapters and I have my own request:

'Lucky we didn't say anything about the dirty knife!' is the punchline said by Munkustrap on his date with Demeter in a restaurant where Mungojerrie is a waiter."

Or:

'Lucky we didn't say anything about the dirty knife!' is the punchline said by Munkustrap and Demeter and Mungojerrie also appear.

Or:

'Lucky we didn't say anything about the dirty knife!' is the punchline said by Munkustrap.

Or:

'Lucky we didn't say anything about the dirty knife!' is the punchline.

Or:

'Lucky we didn't say anything about the dirty knife!' is said by Munkustrap.

Or:

'Lucky we didn't say anything about the dirty knife!' and Munkustrap and Demeter are in the story.

Or simply:

'Lucky we didn't say anything about the dirty knife!'

You get the general idea.

Other rules:

\- Keep it decent. I'll try to keep it at most T-rated.

\- Quotes that already exist are allowed (like the Monty Python quote I used in my examples)

\- You can give me details about how you want your story, but give me some space to make it my OWN story. Don't give me the entire plot.

\- Stories will be written in the order that the requests are posted.

\- I'll try to do all of them and update on a regular basis, but again, no promises.

\- Don't be mad at me. For whatever reason. Just don't.

\- Don't do vegetables. Eat your school. Stay in drugs. Oh wait…

Anyway, I can't wait to see what all your brilliant minds come up with, and what my even brillianter mind can do with it!

Yours sincerely,

HaveYouBeenAnAlumnus


	2. How Mungo and Rumple became Jellicles

_**How Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer became Jellicles**_

 _ **For jelliclesongs123**_

"Hello!"

Tumblebrutus paused as he looked up at the open window of the red brick terraced house, the only source of light other than the streetlamps that lit up the street. He exchanged a look with his two companions and repeated: "Hello!"

A few seconds later, a head popped out, looking down. The lighting made it impossible to recognize them.

"'Ello? 'Oo is i'?" a female voice answered.

"It is Tumblebrutus of the Jellicles, and these are my friends Pouncival and Plato. Whose house is this?"

"It's the 'ouse of me and moi brotha, Mungojerrie."

"Go and tell your brother that we have been sent by Old Deuteronomy on a quest. If you will give us food and shelter for the night, you two can join the Jellicle Tribe."

"Well, Oi'll ask 'im, but Oi don' think 'e'll be very keen… We already are Jellicles, ya see."

"What?" Tumblebrutus asked, confused.

"She says they already are Jellicles," Pouncival remarked.

"Are you sure you are?" Tumblebrutus insisted.

"Yeah, yeah!" Her head briefly disappeared. Inside the house, behind the curtain, a tom was listening to every word said. "Oi told 'im we already are Jellicles," she told the tom, who snickered in response.

"Well… uh… Can we come up and pay you two a visit?" Tumblebrutus asked the queen when she appeared again.

"Of course no'! Y'all are English toips!"

"What are you then?!"

"Oi'm Cockney! Whoi do ya think Oi 'ave this ou'rageous accen', ya silly cat!"

"Isn't Cockney English as well?" Pouncival asked.

"Moind yar awn bisniss!"

"Look, we were sent by Old Deuteronomy to find two imposter-Jellicles in this part of the city, and I have a strong feeling we found them," Tumblebrutus declared, "So if you will not prove to us that you are real Jellicles, we shall enter this house by force!"

The head disappeared again. "Oi think they're on to us," the queen said to the tom.

"Ya shouldn' 'ave told 'em abou' our accen's! They wouldn' 'ave knawn!"

"Wha' are we gonna do naw?"

"Jus' play tough! Scare 'em oway!"

The queen went back to the window. "Y'all don' froight'n us, stupi' Pollicle dogs! Go and boil yar bo'oms, son of a Gumbie Cat! Oi blaw me nose a' ya, so-called 'Jellicle Cats'! You and all ya silly Jellicle ki'ens!" She then proceeded to place her paws behind her ears and stick her tongue out, making strange noises.

"What a strange cat," Pouncival said.

Tumblebrutus was starting to lose his patience. "Now look here my good-"

"Oi don' wanna tolk to ya no mo'e, y'empty-'eaded litter box wiper! Oi far' in yar gen'ral direction! Ya motha was an 'amster, and ya fatha smelt of elde'berries!" She sat back with a smug look.

"Is there anyone else up there we can talk to?" Pouncival tried.

"No! Naw go oway, or Oi'll taun' ya a secon' toime!"

Tumblebrutus tried to be friendly one last time. "Now this is your last chance! We've been more than reasonable…"

The queen turned back to her brother. "Fetch the joint!"

"Wha'?"

"Fetch the joint!"

"… and if you don't agree to our commands, we will…" Tumblebrutus was cut off by a large object being thrown out of the window. "Everlasting Cat!" he screamed, jumping aside just in time to dodge an Argentine joint with greens and potatoes smashing on the tiles of the sidewalk.

Tumblebrutus exchanged a few looks with Pounce and Plato, and they nodded in agreement. "Right," he said. "CHARGE!" With that, the three Jellicles stormed forward in the direction of the house.

"Gimme more stuff!" it sounded inside the house.

The Jellicles pressed forward, dodging falling objects in the process.

"Almost there!" Tumblebrutus said, after nearly being hit by a vase that made a loud _PING_ when it landed. They could just make their way in through the hatch in the door, before an entire cabinet smashed against the ground.

"Dangit! It din' work!" one of the imposters upstairs said.

Meanwhile, the Jellicles Squad made their way up the staircase. Suddenly, two figures appeared at the top, a male and a female one.

"It's no' smart to mess with Mungojerrie," the tom said.

"And Rumpleteazer," the queen added. She held up a box and turned it upside down. Pearls poured out of it, onto the stairs, rolling down.

"Everlasting…" The Jellicles had a hard time trying not to fall, as they slipped and slid on the small orbs. However, when the stream of pearls stopped, they were still all standing. They grinned at the duo and continued their way.

"Yoikes!" Rumpleteazer said.

"Le's go!" Mungojerrie suggested.

They disappeared through a door at the same moment the Jellicles arrived at the top of the stairs. They quickly followed them through the door and found the two standing on the windowsill, each carrying a heavy bag that seemed to contain silverware.

"So long, Jellicle Sucka's," Mungojerrie said.

"Ay Mungo," Rumpleteazer said looking out of the window, "This is a pre'y deep drop. Oi'm no' doin' tha'."

"Wha'? I's no' that deep, is i'?" Mungojerrie took a look as well. "Aw dangit."

Before they could do anything else, they were grabbed by the collar and dragged down from the windowsill.

"I'm sure Old Deuteronomy will be glad we got the Jellicle-imposters," Tumblebrutus said.

"Oi don' suppose yar offer abou' food and shelta is still valid?" Rumpleteazer tried.

 _ **Of course, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer were only mildly punished, and they became Jellicles shortly after these events.**_

 _ **The End**_

 **A/N:** In Rumpleteazer's defense, Jennyanydots with her entire Gumbie Cat costume does kinda look like a hamster.


	3. Hot Stuff

_**Hot Stuff**_

 _ **For TheVoiceOfTheJellicles**_

"Don't you think we did enough for today?" Bombalurina asked with a voice that could best be described as 'annoyed'.

"I guess," Jemima answered to Bomba's delight. "But dad did say I had to make sure we hung up enough of these," she said as she hung up one of the posters they had been spreading across London. _**Lost cat**_ , it said in bold letters, followed by a picture of none other than the Rum Tum Tugger **.** _ **Answers to 'Rum Tum Tugger'. If found, bring to the address Junkyard Str. 21, London. Reward: Old Deuteronomy's full gratitude.**_

"Well, I'm sure Munkustrap will be happy with the result. Now let's go back to the Junkyard."

"Just as second…" Jemima glued down the final corner of the poster and admired her work. It went really well with the _**Macavity; Wanted for everything**_ poster it accompanied on the brick wall. "There we go."

"Finally," Bomba said as she walked away in the direction of their home.

"Bomba," Jemima said as she struggled to keep up with the queen's fast pace, "Care to tell me why you're so… grumpy?"

"Wouldn't you be if you just spent half a day doing an effort to get back a tom you hate with your entire heart and soul?" the older queen answered, not even looking away from the street up ahead.

Jemima rolled her eyes. Another Tuggerina drama had gone down, apparently. "What happened this time?"

"In short, two days ago, the evening before he disappeared, he decided to act like an even bigger son of a Pollicle than he usually does," Bomba simply said. "And I may or may not have punched him in the face."

"What?" Jemima blurted out. "Uh… Don't you think that might be the reason he ran off?"

"I sure hope so. And after he ran away, he got lost or drowned in the Thames or something. Typical Tugger. That'll teach him."

Jemima sighed. "Well, if he returns, I'm sure the two of you can make things up… Right?"

Bomba just scoffed. "Sure." Then, she suddenly froze.

"What?" Jemima asked.

"Oh, how much I've wished I would never smell that scent again," Bombalurina said as she squinted. She then turned right into a narrow alley.

Jemima, who was pretty certain she knew what Bomba had smelled, ran after her. "Are you sure he's here?" she asked as she looked around the alley. She was not at all at ease. The alley might as well have been called _Murder & Abduction Str._

"Damn right I'm sure. I'd recognize that Pollicle's smell form a mile away.

"In that case, are you sure he's not a mile away?" Jemima tried.

"No… He's here." She kneeled down next to a broken basement window and went through.

Jemima shivered and moved to follow her.

"OH EVERLASTING POLLICLE YOU DIDN'T!" a loud scream came from the basement, causing Jemima to hesitate, but she then quickly jumped in.

She found an infuriated Bombalurina who looked like she could explode at any moment, Tugger with a terrified look on his face, and an unknown white queen laying on a sheet, looking as if she had just been awoken seconds ago.

"W… What happened here?" Jemima dared to ask.

"That Pollicle… The stupid, arrogant, emotionless…"

"Calm down, Bomba," Jemima said. She turned to Tugger. "Tugger, can you explain the current situation?"

Tugger gave her a nervous smile. "Can we discuss this on the way home?"

Jemima took a look at Bombalurina, who had anything but calmed down. "Okay then," she said as she made her way up to the window.

"Call me!" Tugger shouted at the white queen before following his niece.

oo0O0oo

"What do you expect me to do?" Tugger said to break the awkward silence as the trio of Jellicles walked back to the Junkyard. "I can't help the fact that I'm such hot stuff."

"Hot stuff?" Bomba sneered. "You're just a sad, desperate Pollicle."

Jemima mentally added another one to her Bombalurina-calls-Tugger-a-Pollicle-counter.

"You know what I think?" Tugger said.

"I don't want to know," Bomba replied.

"I think you're just jealous."

"Jealous?"

"Yeah. You're jealous because she got the 'hot stuff' you've been wanting all your life."

"First of all," Bomba said, anger building up in her voice again, "Stop calling yourself 'hot stuff', second, I don't want to have anything to do with you!"

"That's not what you told me two days ago."

"That is _exactly_ what I told you two days ago, right after I punched you in the face."

"But only a minute before that, you were begging for the 'hot stuff'."

"I. WAS. NOT!"

"Okay," Jemima firmly said as she stopped walking. "The two of you seriously need to cut it out!"

"It's all his fault!" Bomba said, pointing at Tugger.

"I SAID BOTH OF YOU!"

Bomba lowered her paw, taken aback by Jemima's sudden outburst.

The three continued their way in silence, until Tugger suddenly chuckled. "Wow, is _this_ what was supposed to get me back?" he said as he looked up at one of the posters the queens had glued to the wall. " _Reward: Old Deuteronomy's full gratitude_? Really? Is that all you guys are willing to offer for my safety?"

"It's still way more than you deserve," Bombalurina said, earning her a glare from Jemima.

"You can be glad we went through so much effort, Tugger," Jemima turned to the tom.

"And where did you get that picture of me? If my stunning beauty wasn't on it, it would be a horrible picture!"

"Well, Tugger," Jemima said, starting to lose her patience with the cat as well, "Next time, you can design _and_ hang up all the posters by yourself. Okay?"

"Sounds good," Tugger said. "First of all, a better picture. Then, I would change the text to _'Lost cat. Reward: 3000 GBP. You may recognize him by his stunning appearance. Answers to Tugger_ ," he turned to Bombalurina, " _or 'hot stuff'_."

 _ **By the time they reached the Junkyard, Tugger had several scratches all over his body, as well as a black eye.**_

 _ **He told his fanclub he had fought his way out of Macavity's lair, and his fanclub cheered.**_

 _ **The next day, he had two black eyes.**_

 _ **The End**_


	4. Plan B: Improvise

_**Plan B: Improvise**_

 _ **For jelliclesongs123**_

"Just remember, if we're caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English," Victoria said.

"Relax. Everything's gonna be fine," Plato said to his queenfriend.

"I very much doubt that," Victoria objected.

"He's right," Jemima tried to convince her friend. "We'll be in and out before you know it."

"Whatever. You can be glad I agreed to do this."

"But we need you, Vic," Jemima said. "Now, off you go," she said as she opened the toolbox.

Victoria muttered some more doomsday predictions as she stepped into the box, folding her own body in half in order to be able to close it.

"You know the plan, right?" Jemima verified before closing the lid.

"Yes, now get it over and done with, I can't stay in this position forever."

Jemima closed the box and handed it to Plato. "You know what to do?"

Plato nodded as he lifted the box (he had no trouble doing that, since he was used to lifting his queenfriend) and crossed the street to knock on the door of the large house. About a minute later, the hatch in the door opened and a cat inspected the tom standing in front of his door.

"Yes?" the tom asked in a grumpy voice.

"Good afternoon, sir," Plato said as he briefly lifted the hardhat they had found on the Junkyard. "You are Mr. Jones?"

"Yes," Bustopher answered. "Who are you?"

"I'm… uh… George!" Plato made up. "I'm here to check your gas meter."

Bustopher grunted. "Does that have to happen today?"

"I'm afraid so, sir."

"Well, come in then."

Plato walked through the hatch, and after a lengthy struggle managed to pull the toolbox inside through the hole as well.

"Well," Plato said as he subtly placed the box next to the stairs, "Where's the meter?"

"Downstairs," Bustopher answered as he pointed at the basement door. "I'm sure you'll find it."

"Oh, I'd rather have you accompany me, sir," Plato said.

"I beg your pardon? Why?"

"Because… uh… there's a pawprint detector on most gas installations?"

"What?"

"Yes, yes, I'll need the pawprint of the housecat."

Bustopher reluctantly followed Plato to the basement. "Don't I know you from somewhere?" he asked.

"Oh, I hardly think so, sir," Plato denied as their voices died away in the distance.

As soon as she knew it was safe, Victoria climbed out of the toolbox and walked up the stairs and into the nearest bedroom. She opened the window and Jemima hopped inside. She walked right up to a cabinet, opening a drawer and starting to look through the stuff.

"Could you now please tell me why we're here?" Victoria said.

"I sure can," Jemima answered as she grabbed something in the drawer and pulled it out. "For this." She held up a framed picture. Victoria took a closer look, and saw it depicted a young, silver tabby kitten, with a mouth full of food.

"Really?" she asked. "This is why we went through all this trouble?"

"Do you know who this is?" Jemima asked.

"Of course I know who that is!"

"Well? It was totally worth it, right? I've wanted to see kittenhood pictures of my dad for ages! Isn't he cute?"

"What is going on here?" a loud voice came from the door. Bustopher Jones (who had managed to walk two sets of stairs in such a short time!) was standing in the doorway, staring at the two queens that had entered his house.

Victoria and Jemima exchanged frightened looks, before Victoria eventually took initiative and started to talk.

"Excuseer mij, meneer, maar ik heb niet begrepen wat u zei. Kunt u het nog eens herhalen?"

Bustopher didn't know how to respond. "… I beg your pardon?"

"Het spijt me zeer, maar ik spreek geen Engels. En ik ben bang dat mijn collega hier u ook niet zal kunnen helpen, zij is namelijk doof," she continued with a meaningful look at Jemima.

"Could you please explain to me what's going on right now?" Bustopher asked Jemima.

Jemima exchanged a look with Victoria, and then turned to Bustopher. "I'm sorry, I can't hear what you're saying. I'm deaf, you see."

"You're what?"

"What?" Jemima asked.

"Wat?" Victoria asked.

"Wait… don't I know you from somewhere?"

"I don't understand what you say!"

"Ik begrijp niet wat je zegt, kerel!"

"Aren't you my nephew Munkustrap's daughter?"

"Could you articulate better? I can't read your lips if you talk like this!"

"Kan iemand mij alsjeblieft uitleggen wat hier aan het gebeuren is?"

"Okay, that's it! The two of you will get out of here right now!"

"No, I'm afraid I've never been to British Columbia."

"Ik zou zo graag op je muil slaan, je hebt er geen idee van."

"Get out! Both of you!"

"I think the first one was better."

"Trek je 'n stem of twee, drie tegelijk uit de la, bij Rossini duetten, en walsen van Strauss?"

"Get out! This is your last warning!"

"Oh, I'm very sorry," Jemima said, hiding the picture behind her back as she walked past Bustopher, "but I'm afraid I can't stay for dinner. I have to get home in half an hour. Anyway, thanks and bye!"

"Ik sta echt versteld dat je ons niet herkend hebt, maar goed," Victoria said as she followed Jemima.

Bustopher stood at the top of the stairs, confused beyond belief, as the two queens walked down the stairs and out the door. Shortly after, Plato picked up his toolbox at the bottom of the stairs and looked up at Bustopher.

"Well, everything seems to be in order, Mr. Jones, see you next year." After that, he walked out as well.

Bustopher Jones was speechless. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and walked back into the bedroom, when he suddenly realized something.

"Wait!" he exclaimed. "What about the pawprint detector?"

 _ **The End**_

 **A/N:** In case you're wondering, Victoria was speaking Flemish. It would've been more appropriate if it would've been Jemima of course, because Veerle Casteleyn is Belgian (one of the few reasons I'm proud of my country). Don't ask why Victoria can speak Flemish.


	5. Big news

Back after long absence in this fandom. Before we start: Jemima is slightly older than she (presumably) is in the musical, and Tugger is not Munkustrap's brother.

 _ **Big news**_

 _ **For WhittingtonsFriend (who, if I'm not mistaken, changed their name)**_

Jemima took a deep breath. She heard her father approach. She could do this.

"... and as you see, we chose a kind of puce color for the wall," she heard her father's voice say. Wait... who was he talking to?

"Oh, it looks so nice, Munkie."

Munkie? Jemima only knew one cat who called him that...

She walked into the living room of the den and saw her dad Munkustrap giving his aunt Jennyanydots a tour through the den, apparently. Damn. This could complicate things.

"Oh, hello there darling," Munkustrap said when he noticed his daughter.

"Oh, Jemima," Jenny said lovingly, "You've grown so much since last time!"

"Yes, she's an adult queen now," Munk proudly said. "So, what have you been up to today?"

"Oh, you know, the usual stuff," she casually answered. "Listen, dad, there's something I'd like to talk to you about, you know, when aunt Jenny is gone."

"Actually, dear, I invited her for dinner, so she'll be here the entire evening."

"Really? I kinda wanted to tell you today."

"Well, whatever it is you want to tell me, I'm sure aunt Jenny has the right to hear it as well."

"Oh, of course dear," Jennyanydots confirmed. "You know you can tell me anything!"

"But this is kind of a thing between father and daughter..."

"What about your mother?" Munk asked. "Don't you have to tell her?"

"But by the time she gets back from traveling, well... it'll be a bit obvious."

"What will be obvious?"

"Well, uh..." She took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

"You WHAT?"

"Oh, how wonderful…" Jenny started.

"No! No, it's not! Jem, how did this happen?"

"Seriously? How do you think it happened, dad?"

"But… Who?"

"… Tugger…"

"WHAT? You mean Rum Tum Tugger?"

"Yes."

"THE Rum Tum Tugger?"

"Yes!"

"The one I EXPLICITLY told you NOT to go out with?"

"YES!"

"Have you thought of a name already?" Jenny asked.

"Well…"

"This is not the right moment, aunt Jenny! I need to have a very SERIOUS conversation with my daughter."

"But Munkie…"

"No, Jenny! You are grounded forever, Jem!"

"Do you know if it's going to be a tom or a queen, darling?"

"No, I think I'll ask Tantomile if she senses anything."

"Hello? Jemima, are you listening to me?"

"Does the father already know?"

"No, I'm nervous to tell him…"

"It'll be alright, dear."

"It's NOT going to be 'alright'! You are in serious trouble, miss!"

"May I suggest a color for the room of the kit? Cyan, with a hint of magenta..."

"This is not the time, aunt Jenny!" Munkustrap yelled at his aunt.

"Munkie! Keep your voice down and don't be so rude!"

Munk sighed. "Look, aunt Jenny… It's just… I'd like to have a moment alone with my daughter, please?"

"Fine." Jenny turned around and waddled away. "Take care, honey," she said to Jemima before walking away.

"Finally! I thought she was never going to give us some privacy!" Munk said with a relieved sigh.

"You're the one who brought her, you liquor. And you insisted on me telling her as well."

"Yes, whatever. Now, I am going to have a serious word with that Tugger fellow and his parents. I will not tolerate this kind of…"

"Dad."

"No, don't bother to try change my mind. You are still my daughter and…"

"Dad!"

"You may be considered an adult by some, but you…"

"DAD!"

Munkustrap stopped and looked at his daughter. "What?"

"Look at the date."

He looked to his side, to the calendar that hung against the wall. It was the first day of April. It took a while before it hit him, and when it did, he slowly started to chuckle. He looked at his daughter again. "Oh, Jemima, you little rascal!" He laughed. "You really scared me there for a while!"

Jemima chuckled nervously. "Hehehe… Yeah… It wasn't a prank, though."

"Wha-"

 _ **The End**_

 **A/N:** Last request done. Still open for requests, thank you very much!


	6. Date With Destiny

Blimey, this is the fourth out of five stories that includes Jemima. I don't think I've ever written that much Jemima before.

 _ **Date with Destiny**_

 _ **For JellicleGuest1**_

"I can't believe it actually took me a year to come up with the courage to ask you on a date," Mistoffelees said to Jemima with a slight blush.

"I can't believe it _only_ took you a year," Jemima replied jokingly.

"So… What do you want to talk about?"

"Uh… What are your hobbies?"

"Doing magic."

"I knew that, dummy. Tell me something new."

"Uh… Dancing."

"You're a Jellicle. Of course you like dancing."

"Then what else is there to say?!"

"I don't know! What's your favorite movie?"

"Hm. That's a tough one." Mistoffelees stared into the distance for a while. "I'd have to go with Brokeback Mountain."

"Really?" Jemima gave him a surprised look. "Is that the one with the gay cowboys?"

"Yeah, that one. Have you seen it?"

"No."

"Heath Ledger really was an amazing actor. I mean, if you look at his face in that movie, and compare it to the Joker, you barely recognize him. In Brokeback Mountain he's all attractive and stuff, but the Joker is like 'eww'. Am I right?"

Jemima eyed her date with suspicion. "Like I said, I never saw those movies."

"A shame. What's your favorite movie?"

"I don't know. One movie I watched like, a billion times, is Mean Girls. You ever seen that?"

"Oh, I _love_ Mean Girls! Especially Damian! He's _so_ hilarious!"

"… What kind of music do you like, Misto?"

"Me? Oh, I absolutely love Troye Sivan. Do you know him?"

"… Heard about him."

"Especially the song _Heaven_. Have you seen the music video? A masterpiece."

"… No, never seen it," Jemima lied, ignoring the time Etcetera had fangirled all over her (like she does with Tugger, times three) and forced her to watch the video. "Listen, Misto, before we get into a relationship, can I ask you one thing?"

"Sure."

"Are you gay?"

"What? No, why would you think that?"

"Nothing, nothing, just… I read a story about a woman who after twenty years of marriage figured out her husband was a closeted man, and I don't want that to happen to me."

Misto laughed. "No, don't worry."

"Well, well. Look who finally decided to make a move," they heard next to their table. They looked to their side and saw Rum Tum Tugger grinning at them. Misto looked up at him with a slight blush.

"Uh… Hi, Tugger."

"Hello to you, beautiful."

Misto blushed more, until he suddenly realized he was talking to Jemima. Tugger took her hand and placed a soft kiss on it, causing Jemima to giggle.

"Hey!" Misto said, drawing the two's attention. "Cut that out! You're supposed to be my date, Tu… I mean Jemima!"

Right then, Pouncival walked by. Tugger turned around and gave him a quick slap across the cheek (but not the one on his face). Pounce abruptly turned around, his face becoming red with anger. "Tugger! How many times do I have to tell you! Stop doing that!"

Tugger always did that, just to anger Pounce, and always succeeded.

"Relax, Pounce," Misto said. "It's just a bit of fun. I mean… I wouldn't mind…" He looked at Tugger innocently.

"Oh, I don't doubt it," Tugger said. "Gotta go now, see ya!"

"Goodbye, Tugger!" Misto waved at Tugger while he left.

Jemima intensely stared at Misto as he kept staring at the door Tugger had just left through.

"… And you're sure you're not gay?"

oo0O0oo

 **A/N:** Stereotypes? Maybe. But I'm allowed to make fun of them. Also, little tribute to Troye Sivan and Heath Ledger, two very talented people!

Out of requests again. If you have an idea, no matter how silly, tell me!


	7. Kitten-sitting For The Hungry

Warning: the pronoun game is strong with this one.

 _ **Kitten-sitting For The Hungry**_

 _ **For amethyst-labyrinth**_

Mistoffelees sighed tiredly as he looked around the den. He raised his voice in an attempt to silence the many kittens that filled the room. It didn't work, obviously, so he took more serious action. He made a weird gesture with his paw, and a couple of sparkles later, the kittens were silent.

"Okay, kits," he started, "Misto will have to go for a while, but don't worry: I'll be back in a second."

Mistoffelees had been charged with the task of looking after Victoria and Plato's first load of kittens; not two, not three, but _five_ of them.

Suddenly, he heard a voice behind him. "I'm sorry, lad, I'm a little late, I know, but I saw this delightful entrecote on the way and… Oh." Bustopher Jones went silent when he saw the kittens.

"Uncle Bustopher," Mistoffelees greeted the round cat, "Thanks for stopping by. Look, I have to go buy milk for the kits, could you watch them for just a sec?"

Bustopher looked at the small heads one by one. "Well, I suppose I could… For how long exactly?"

"Only a couple of minutes. Please, uncle?"

"Okay, but… I'm really hungry, could you just quickly summon up a… stuffed turkey, or something?"

"Sorry, uncle, but that's not exactly how my magic works." Bustopher gave a small groan. "Don't worry," Misto assured him, "I'll bring back a turkey sandwich from the market or something. Okay?"

Bustopher sighed with a look at the kittens that were already grouping up at his feet. "Alright then. But hurry!"

"I will!" Misto rushed to the door. "Oh, and before I go, make sure they don't touch the cupcakes!" he said, pointing at a table before leaving Jones alone with the kits.

Bustopher inspected the table Misto had pointed at. There was a plate with ten beautiful cupcakes under a glass dome. He groaned. This was just torture.

oo0O0oo

Misto whistled joyfully as he approached the den. He had enough milk to feed the little ones for a week, and an extra-large turkey sandwich to reward his uncle. He entered the den and… his heart skipped a beat.

Bustopher was standing in front of the table with panic in his eyes. And the kittens… just like Macavity, they weren't there.

"Where are they?!" Misto screamed in panic.

"I… I… I'm sorry!" Bustopher shouted out. "I… I was so hungry, I… I just couldn't resist!"

"What are you talking about?"

"They… They looked so delicious, so I… I took just one… And one became two… And before I knew… They were all gone!"

Misto's mouth fell open. Did he do what he thought he did? "You… You ate them?"

"… Yes! I'm so sorry Misto!"

"You're _sorry_?"

"Yes! I was supposed to make sure nobody touched them, and… I was so hungry, Misto!"

"Yes, but… I mean… You…" Misto was too shocked to say more.

"And while I was eating, the kittens ran away as well…"

"… Wait… The kittens?"

"Yes, I had to watch them, but while I was eating the cupcakes… I'm sorry Misto!"

"Cupcakes?" Everything slowly became clear to Mistoffelees. "Wait… You don't eat kittens?!"

"What? Of course not!"

Misto sighed in relief. "Thank the Everlasting Cat!" He looked around. "Still, there's the fact that the kits are missing… and you ate the cupcakes."

"And I said I was sorry."

"Luckily, I have an idea!" Misto optimistically said. "I know how we are going to get them back!"

"How?"

"We lure them with the pie I kept in the fridge and then…"

"I ate the pie as well."

"What? Uh… Okay then. Oh, I know! We use the milk I just bought at the…"

"I drank the milk."

"Huh? When?"

"While you were looking at the fridge just now. Oh, and the turkey sandwich is gone as well."

"… Actually, I'm not even mad. That's amazing. So… Is there anything you _haven't_ eaten?"

"…"

"Well?"

"Let's just go look for them. I mean, they can't have gotten out of the Junkyard."

"You really amaze me at times, uncle."

 _ **The End**_


	8. Rough times

_**Rough times**_

 _ **For Jemidancer2011**_

"This too shall pass… It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass," Tugger said as he tightly held onto his brother Munkustrap's hand. "Blood will be spilled, there is no doubt, but we have to stay strong. If we let despair take over, all hope will be lost. We must believe… Believe in a better time. The times we see in dreams. The same dreams where we see the loved ones who went before us. But their hearts are not filled with grief. They encourage us to remain hopeful throughout these dark times. And as long as we stay together, no mountain, no sea, no evil cat can stop us from reaching out towards the ones we care about, for we will not abandon them, and neither would they. And in times like this, I need your help, dear brother, to reach out to me. To encompass me, and to promise me that in the end all will turn out fine. Maybe not for me, but I believe in you, brother, to lead the tribe to the light."

Munkustrap looked away from Tugger's closed eyes and gave their aunt Jennyanydots a questioning look. "Have you given him some form of painkiller?"

"Of course not. I'm only pulling a thorn out of his stupid paw."

The Jellicle Protector went back to his brother, lying on a blanket on the floor. "Are you okay, Tug? You seem to be a bit confused… You do know you're not even close to dying, right?"

"Munkustrap!" Tugger spoke as his eyes flew open, almost scaring the life out of his brother. "Tell father… he was right. I didn't listen then… but now I realize how wise his words were."

"What are you even talking about? Are you just putting up a big drama here?"

"My collar… I want you to have it. Cherish it, and every time you see it, remember our days in the sun."

"Okay, that's enough. Just relax, it's gonna be over before you know it."

"No… it's too late. I want this. Go on without me. Macavity… must… be… stopped…" His eyes started to close.

"Now you're just going through all the clichés."

"The fire!" Tugger spoke with seemingly renewed energy. "It will rise! They cannot stop the fire that burns so strongly in our hearts!"

"Oh right, the 'motivational speech about fire'-cliché. Gonna include blades as well?"

"The fire will melt their blades, and with them, we shall forge a new world! Their blade will not taste another drop of Jellicle blood!"

"Thought so."

"Their king has been captured. Now we must take their pawns!"

"Oh, so now you're going with the chess metaphors? Nice going, Professor Moriarty."

"Even if we must sacrifice our queen…"

"That sounds a bit wrong in our case."

"… our enemy's pawns will fall to the fiery blades!"

"Ooh, triple combo."

There was a short silence. "… Tomorrow… as the dew settles on the morning grass… so will the blood of our enemies…"

"Oh, Everlasting Cat, this one again."

"At dawn… we ride!"

"Tug…"

"And from the ruins of our past he will step forward to rid the world of the eternal darkness…"

"STOP IT! YOU ARE _NOT_ DOING THE 'CHOSEN ONE' ROUTINE!"

"Look Munk," Tugger said in a normal voice as he turned his head to his brother, "You can interrupt when it's done, okay? But right now, let me have my fun."

"It's already done, Tug. The thorn's been out since you started about the fire."

"Huh?" Tugger looked at his paw that wasn't cutting off the blood transport to Munkustrap's paw. The thorn seemed to be gone. "But… it didn't hurt… and no blood has been spilled…"

"I happen to be good at this," Jennyanydots said.

Tugger got up. "I cannot thank you enough, my dear aunt. You have given me back my paw, my life, my freedom! And freedom, that is what it's all about, for freedom is a state much prized within the realm of civilized society. It is a bond wherewith the savage man may charm the outward hatchments of his soul, and soothe the troubled breast into a magnitude of quiet. It is most precious as a blessed balm, the savior of princes, the harbinger of happiness, yay! The very stuff and pith of all we hold most dear. What frees the prisoner in his lonely cell, chained within the bondage of rude walls, far from the owl of Thebes? What fires and stirs the woodcock in his springe or wakes the drowsy apricot betides? What goddess doth the storm tossed mariner offer her most tempestuous prayers to? Freedom! So I ask you, who will join me?"

Tugger looked down, his paws lifted up in the air. Apparently he had climbed onto a chair during his speech. But Munkustrap and Jennyanydots, they were gone.

"And I didn't even get to scream things about bravery and honor in front of a huge army that can't even hear what I'm saying…"

 _ **The End**_

oo0O0oo

 **A/N:** That last part about freedom wasn't written by me. Look up 'Monty Python court scene'. Also, sorry this took so long to write.


End file.
